REALESTATERNATOR

Created & Written by George Peter Gatsis
Script Registration Number: S11-01618

"Paranomal Activity" meets "Ghostbusters" meets "Bowery Boys"
--- An underhanded Real-Estate Agent has a week to sell a haunted house that he stole or he'll be killed by his loan shark.

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01

_____INT. COURT HOUSE - ROOM 17

_____CAPTION: Friday Morning - The Case

_____The court is occupied with a few spectators of different age.

_____One spectator -JOE the MESSENGER- stands out in his 1970s plaid suit.

_____SKIP is standing before JUDGE SMITH as -CYNTHIA- a tall blonde city solicitor stands nearby.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Okay, Skip.

_______________(beat)

__________What we have here is a request to demolish one house located at 32 Mount Triplet Road.

____________________SKIP

__________Yes sir.

_____JUDGE SMITH flips through the paper work in his hands and turns his attention to CYNTHIA.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Is there any reason why I should not grant this request?

____________________CYNTHIA

__________Yes sir.

_____SKIP is surprised and turns to CYNTHIA.

____________________SKIP

__________Wait, who are you.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Skip, you will address the court.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to CYNTHIA)

__________You're not the coffee girl?

_____CYNTHIA hands JUDGE SMITH a stack of documents and steps back.

____________________CYNTHIA

__________The house at 32 Mount Triplet Road, has been officially recognized by the city, as a heritage house.

____________________SKIP

__________Wait, what!?

_____CYNTHIA hands SKIP a couple of documents and steps back to her table.

____________________CYNTHIA

__________It is the first house built in the city.

_______________(beat)

__________It was used as a model for the original city builders, over one hundred and fifty years ago.

_______________(beat)

__________All the original houses have been destroyed.

_______________(beat)

__________Except for this last one.

_____JUDGE SMITH laughs as he looks over the additional paper work.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Well this is a wrench.

_______________(beat)

__________Skip?

_____SKIP continues to read through his documents.

____________________SKIP

__________This is bullshit!

_____JUDGE SMITH slams his gavel.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Skip I will not have that kind of language in my court.

____________________SKIP

__________I beg the courts forgiveness.

_______________(beat)

__________But sir, if I can't renovate my property, I won't be able to sell it-

____________________CYNTHIA

__________-for a profit.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to CYNTHIA)

__________Are you sure your calling in life wasn't to be a coffee girl?

____________________CYNTHIA

__________Quit sure.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to CYNTHIA)

__________The house is plain and boring. It has no value as an attraction.

_______________(beat)

__________It would cost me more money to advertise it as a tourist attraction.

_____SKIP tosses the documents to his table.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________No one would come see a broken down house.

____________________JUDGE SMITH

__________Then you just have to sell it at cost, or take a loss.

_______________(beat)

__________Any way you look at it, the house will not be touched.

_______________(beat)

__________Your request is denied. Case closed.

_____JUDGE SMITH slams his gavel and leaves.

_____CYNTHIA collects her papers as SKIP walks by.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________Bitch.

_______________(beat)

__________I'm going to have your cracker jack license revoked.

____________________CYNTHIA

__________You have yourself a great day too.

_____CYNTHIA puts an index finger to her chin and thinks for a moment.

____________________CYNTHIA (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________I think you should be more worried that someone doesn't find out about you stealing the house from your client's death bed.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________She signed over the house to me.

____________________CYNTHIA

__________That's not what I hear around the water cooler.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________Yeah, well hearing and proving are two different things.

____________________CYNTHIA

__________Your client died less than 24 hours and here you are trying to profit off of her.

____________________SKIP

__________You can't prove anything, you tramp!

____________________CYNTHIA

__________You have yourself a great day too.

_____CYNTHIA leaves the court as one of the spectators -JOE the MESSENGER- intercepts SKIP on his way out.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________Hey, howya do'in "Realestaternator."

_______________(beat)

__________My "boss," sends his regards.

_______________(whispering)

__________And to remind youz.

_____JOE looks around and steps close to SKIP.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________Youz have till the end of the week to deliver.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________Otherwise?

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

_______________(whispering)

__________Otherwise?

_______________(beat)

__________Otherwise you are dead. Your whole family is dead.

____________________SKIP

__________Ha, I don't have a family.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________Then your friends are dead.

____________________SKIP

__________I live alone.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________Then your parents are dead.

____________________SKIP

__________My parents died years ago.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________Then we'll dig them up and shoot them!

_______________(beat)

__________You get my meaning? You don't want to mess with us, if you "value" your life.

____________________SKIP

__________What about signing over the house to your boss.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________What do you think we are, real estate agents?

_______________(beat)

__________Cash. Mulla. Mucho dollars.

_______________(beat)

__________The boss doesn't want a house. Capeesh?

____________________SKIP

__________What if I say, go ahead and shoot me?

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________I think that would be a bad idea, on a count of we will torture you long before we shoot you.

_______________(beat)

__________Just to-

____________________SKIP

__________-get your point across.

_______________(beat)

__________I got it.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER

__________And, just in case you "thunk" of skipping town.

_____JOE straightens out SKIP's tie and walks away.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER (cont'd)

__________We have a very special "person" to be watching you, very closely.

_____A moment of silence passes as they look into each others eyes.

____________________JOE THE MESSENGER (cont'd)

__________Look, you bet on the wrong horse and you lost. Now it's time to pay up.

_______________(beat)

__________Capeesh?

_____SKIP watches JOE the MESSENGER walk away, looks around, collects himself exits the court room.

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_ 02

_____EXT. HOUSE - DAY

_____CAPTION: Monday Morning - Selling the House: client 01

_____A couple of newlyweds step up to the front door, while SKIP, hands shaking, opens the front door.

____________________SKIP

__________The price of the house is affordable; for it's location to the transit system and steps away from the biggest shopping mall.

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY - DAY

_____The newlyweds giggle as they step deeper into the house.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

_______________(to SKIP)

__________Aren't you coming in?

____________________SKIP

__________Nope. I'm just going to stand here and let you two lovebirds take it all in.

_____NEWLYWED GIRL giggles and squirms.

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________Oh my gosh, this house is perfect!

_______________(beat)

__________I love it!

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________It's big enough to start a family.

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________I'm going to look at the kitchen!

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________And I'll go up stairs and look at the bedrooms.

_____The newlyweds kiss and separate while SKIP stands by the doorway.

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_03

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - KITCHEN - DAY

_____The newlywed girl giggles and laughs as she opens every drawer and cupboard.

_____We see an unusually large set of big knives, forks and spoons.

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_04

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

_____The newlywed guy looks around, touching the antique wood cabinets and bed frame.

_____A sound of running water is heard in the bathroom.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Hello?

_______________(beat)

__________Is anybody there?

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_05

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - MASTER BATHROOM - DAY

_____The newlywed guy steps up to the bathroom door and pushes it open.

_____A naked woman steps out of the shower.

____________________NAKED WOMAN

_______________(giggling)

__________Hand me the towel would you?

_____The newlywed guy stares at the beautiful NAKED woman.

____________________NAKED WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Are you going to continue to stare at me while I catch a cold?

_______________(beat)

__________Or are you going to hand me the towel?

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Sorry.

_____The newlywed guy reaches for one of the large towels on the rack.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY (cont'd)

__________What?

_____NEWLYWED GUY clears his throat.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY (cont'd)

__________What are you doing here?

_____The newlywed guy stretches out to hand the towel to the NAKED WOMAN.

____________________NAKED WOMAN

_______________(giggling)

__________Silly boy. I don't want the "large" towel.

_______________(beat)

__________Hand me the little one.

_____The NEWLYWED GUY looks at the little towel on the rack.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Why? Why would you want the little one?

_______________(beat)

__________You won't be able to dry yourself up.

_____The NAKED WOMAN steps up to newlywed guy and runs her fingers along his cheeks.

____________________NAKED WOMAN

__________Say are you married?

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Yes, yes I am.

____________________NAKED WOMAN

_______________(giggling)

__________Oh good. I love having hot, passionate, sex, with married men.

_____The newlywed guy doesn't move from the spot.

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________You do?

____________________NAKED WOMAN

__________It's dangerous. It's thrilling.

_______________(beat)

__________Especially if the wives are in the next room.

_____The newlywed guy takes a quick glance back into the bedroom.

____________________NAKED WOMAN (cont'd)

__________What do you say? She'll be stuck in the first floor admiring the kitchen and dining room long enough for us to have a very private, very passionate moment.

_____The newlywed girl steps into the bathroom.

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________What are you doing!?

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________What? No, it's not what it looks like!

_____The NAKED WOMAN grabs hold of the newlywed guy and caresses him.

_____The NAKED WOMAN's appearance becomes a very OLD NAKED WOMAN.

____________________OLD NAKED WOMAN

_______________(to NEWLYWED GIRL)

__________Looks like it's back to the vibrator for you! This guys all mine!

_____The newlywed girl screams and runs away.

_____The newlywed guy looks at the OLD NAKED WOMAN and screams.

____________________OLD NAKED WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Come on lover boy. Don't let the age fool you.

_____The OLD NAKED WOMAN digs her fingers into her ribs, between her breasts and rips open her rib cage.

____________________OLD NAKED WOMAN (cont'd)

__________It's what's inside that's important.

_____The newlywed guy backs away as the OLD NAKED WOMAN's insides hang out of her body and drop onto the tile floor.

_____The guts begin to slither towards the newlywed guy.

_____The newlywed guy runs out of the bathroom just before the OLD NAKED WOMAN's guts pounce.

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_06

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY - DAY

_____Standing just inside the door frame, SKIP watches the newlywed girl run screaming out of the house.

____________________SKIP

__________We have an excellent house warming package.

_____The newlywed guy runs out screaming.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I'll take 10% off of the asking price.

_____SKIP sees a dark shadow -the DARKNESS- slowly coming down the stairs.

_____SKIP backs out of the house and steps onto the front porch.

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_07

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY

_____The DARKNESS creeps up to the entrance and slams the door in front of SKIP.

_____SKIP runs down the stairs after the NEWLYWEDS.

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL (V.O.)

__________How could you!

____________________SKIP

__________Wait!

____________________NEWLYWED GUY (V.O.)

__________It's not what it looked like! She came onto me.

_____The NEWLYWEDS get in their car.

____________________SKIP

__________I'll throw in satellite service for a year!

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL (V.O.)

__________And you stood there!

____________________SKIP

__________Free! Free!

_____The NEWLYWEDS drive away.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Free!

_______________(beat)

__________Darn.

_____SKIP takes a deep breath, looks back at the house and sees the darkness covering the doors windows.

_____SKIP shakes his head as the DARKNESS fades away.

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_08

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY

_____CAPTION: Monday Noon - Selling the House: Client 02

_____A large East Indian Family -FATHER, MOTHER and six children- step into the house and begin to inspect everything.

_____The FATHER steps up to SKIP.

____________________FATHER

__________You listed the house for sale. Clearly you can't sell it.

_____SKIP tries to say something, but is interrupted.

____________________FATHER (cont'd)

__________No.

_______________(beat)

__________Tut, tut, tut. I will not hear excuses.

_______________(beat)

__________I will buy, but I need you to come down on price. Right now.

____________________SKIP

__________I've brought the price down as much as I can.

_______________(beat)

__________What do you have in mind?

____________________FATHER

__________I have a large family with a lot of mouths.

_______________(beat)

__________I cannot do anything less than 35% price drop.

____________________SKIP

__________Well, I see you have a large family and your kids would me a financial burden on you.

____________________FATHER

__________Grandchildren.

____________________SKIP

__________Come again?

____________________FATHER

__________All these are children of my children. Their lazy parents are at work.

____________________SKIP

__________You have a big family.

____________________FATHER

__________Yes, yes. The price. I need you to come down.

_____The grandchildren begin to scream and run pass the FATHER and SKIP.

____________________FATHER (cont'd)

__________What's this.

_______________(beat)

__________Wife, control these bottomless stomachs!

_____The MOTHER walks up to the FATHER and SKIP.

_____She slaps SKIP in the face.

____________________MOTHER

_______________(to FATHER)

__________Husband, this house is haunted.

_______________(beat)

__________You are the man of the house and I will do whatever you say.

_______________(waving her index finger)

__________But, if you so much as buy this place, I will stop cooking for you.

_______________(beat)

__________No more roti fries!

_____The MOTHER turns to SKIP.

____________________MOTHER (cont'd)

__________You should be ashamed of yourself. The things she told me about you.

_______________(shaking head)

__________You are a bad man. A very bad man.

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_09

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY

_____The MOTHER walks out of the house as the DARKNESS creeps towards the lobby.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to FATHER)

__________I'll come down to 15%.

____________________FATHER

_______________(shaking head)

__________Not good. Ghost. No deal.

____________________SKIP

__________20%.

____________________FATHER

__________You are asking me to give up sweat potatoes and roti, cooked with white wine and cumin.

_______________(beat)

__________No deal.

_____SKIP and the FATHER step onto the front porch as the door slams behind them.

____________________FATHER (cont'd)

__________You should be ashamed of yourself.

_______________(to MOTHER)

__________Wife, I decided to not buy the house.

____________________MOTHER (V.O.)

__________Wise decision dear. That's why you are the man of the house.

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_10

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY

_____CAPTION: Monday Afternoon - Selling the House: Client 03

_____SKIP opens the door and lets a tall slick man in a suit, smoking a large fat cigar -BUSINESS MAN- enter the house.

____________________SKIP

__________As is.

_______________(beat)

__________Some of the lights, especially in the basement don't work.

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________In the listings, it says you've had this house up for sale since-

_____BUSINESS MAN drops his bag and looks at his watch.

____________________BUSINESS MAN (cont'd)

__________-today?

____________________SKIP

__________That's right.

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________What's in the bag?

_____The BUSINESS MAN snickers, opens the bag and takes out special night-vision goggles.

____________________SKIP

__________You always carry around an arsenal?

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________It's for wet work.

_____SKIP thinks a moment.

____________________SKIP

__________You planning on renovating the showers?

_____BUSINESS MAN takes a deep breath and slaps his hands.

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________You priced it right for this location.

_______________(beat)

__________Why haven't you closed?

____________________SKIP

__________It's only been 5 hours.

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________That was a rhetorical question. In the army, we tend to do that a lot.

_______________(beat)

__________We know all the answers to the questions we ask.

____________________SKIP

__________You kill anybody?

____________________Business man

__________Lots.

____________________SKIP

__________Do you do contract work?

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________I specialized in hand to hand combat, in the jungle and in the desert.

_____BUSINESS MAN laughs to himself.

____________________BUSINESS MAN (cont'd)

__________I stopped counting the medals after my hundredth mission.

____________________SKIP

__________So you are a hard nails tough guy?

____________________BUSINESS MAN

_______________(laughing)

__________The toughest. But don't tell that to my wife, girl friend or mistress.

_____The BUSINESS MAN laughs and walks a little further into the house, while SKIP waits by the door frame.

____________________BUSINESS MAN (cont'd)

__________Skip.

_______________(beat)

__________I don't have to go any further into the house to notice that it needs a make over.

_____The BUSINESS MAN inspects the nearest wall with the night-vision goggles.

____________________BUSINESS MAN (cont'd)

__________At the very least a paint job.

_____An OLD WOMAN grabs the BUSINESS MAN by the neck and pins him against the wall.

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(whispering loud)

__________You touch this house and I'll gut you.

_____The OLD WOMAN rubs a large kitchen knife on the BUSINESS MAN's cheeks.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________You won't have time to bleed. You'll be to busy carping your pants.

_____The OLD WOMAN releases the BUSINESS MAN and disappears.

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.) (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________Get out!

_____The BUSINESS MAN catches his breath, trips to the front door and walks out of the house with as much dignity he can muster.

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_11

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY

____________________SKIP

__________Seriously?

_____SKIP nods his head as he steps out of the house and points to the front door.

_____The large duffle bag and goggles fly out the door and land on the lawn at the bottom of the stairs.

_____The door slams shut.

_____SKIP nods his head and walks down the stairs, while the BUSINESS MAN speeds away in his Hummer.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Wait you left your arsenal!

_____SKIP looks back at the house.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________If I make it out of this week alive, I swear I'll stop gambling.

_____SKIP looks at the arsenal bag and goggles.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________No more sure bets.

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_12

_____EXT. ALLEY - DAY

_____CAPTION: Monday Evening - The Gang

_____A diverse GANG of street thugs, whose members are: LEFTY, GANG LEADER, SMOKES, PORKCHOP, GAMER, MUSHI-SOSHI & NUMBERS.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Well boys. Another day and we are still broke.

____________________MUSHI-SOSHI

__________What can we do?

____________________GANG LEADER

__________I am at a loss boys. Business is tough all around.

____________________NUMBERS

__________We could rob a store.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________It's getting harder and harder to do that now. What, with all the camera's in the stores, on the street, on the transit system.

_______________(beat)

__________Heck, everyone around us is carrying a smart phone with a camera.

_______________(beat)

__________By the time we get down the street, the cops will already have our description and names from HD videos on YouTube.

____________________PORKCHOP

__________We could open up a business, or something.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________We need money to do that. We don't have enough cash pooled up to buy a taco.

_______________(beat)

__________Heck, right now we are in direct competition with a loan shark, who lives with his mom and sister, just up the street!

_______________(beat)

__________And he's nine years old!

_____GANG LEADER shakes his head.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________Na, boys. I've come to a hard decision.

_______________(beat)

__________I'm going to have to sell some of you to medical testing.

_____The GANG is riled.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________Now, now boys. It's all good. We need cash flow so we can afford to buy food.

_______________(beat)

__________I mean, we can't keep going over to Porkchop's house for his mom's lasagna dinner.

_______________(beat)

__________And stop by Numbers aunt's house for video games.

_______________(beat)

__________We need our own place to gather and make evil plans. One day we will become rich!

_____GANG LEADER extends his hands out to the gang.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________And for that to happen, we need a high concept that will sell fast.

_____Everyone nods in agreement.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________We need an opportunity, we need something like him!

_____The GANG turns around and watches SKIP walk up to them.

_____The GANG LEADER points to SKIP.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________Look boys. The suit is begging to get robbed.

_____SKIP raises his hands as the GANG surrounds him.

_____The GANG poke and pick at SKIP's suit.

_____One of the GANG members -LEFTY- reaches into SKIP's pockets and takes out a wallet.

____________________LEFTY

__________Look boss. His wallet.

_____LEFTY hands over the wallet to the GANG LEADER.

_____The GANG LEADER inspects it.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________What's a suit doing with an empty wallet?

_______________(beat)

__________Got terminate sickness?

____________________SKIP

__________Terminal.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Yeah, that's what I said. What are you an English teacher?

_______________(beat)

__________Well?

____________________SKIP

__________No, why?

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Then why would you step into a pit of vipers?

____________________LEFTY

__________Yeah, that's who we are. The Vipers.

_____LEFTY combs his hair.

____________________GANG LEADER

_______________(to LEFTY)

__________Shut up Lefty.

____________________LEFTY

__________Sure boss.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Well?

____________________SKIP

__________There is a house that I need vacated.

____________________LEFTY

__________What do we look like, doctors?

____________________SKIP

__________Not vaccinated. Vacated. Removed.

_______________(beat)

__________The old woman won't leave.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________You want us to ruff up an oldie?

_______________(beat)

__________We draw the line on children and oldies.

____________________SKIP

__________She's rich.

_____The GANG LEADER ponders for a moment.

_____The entire GANG hang in anticipation of what the GANG LEADER's next words would be.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________How rich?

____________________SKIP

__________Rich enough to hire a team of lawyers to keep me from evicting her.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________You want us to rob a bank?

_____GANG LEADER waves his hand in the air.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________No, no, no my friend. Not happening.

____________________SKIP

__________The money is not in a bank. It's in her house.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________And just how do you know this?

____________________SKIP

__________She never leaves the house and always pays cash for deliveries.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Even if we do this, someone will see us prowling around at night, take our picture-

____________________LEFTY

__________-and video-

____________________GANG LEADER

__________-and call the cops.

____________________SKIP

__________Don't worry about that.

_______________(beat)

__________I have some special gear that will help you move around at night, without any light.

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_13

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY - NIGHT

_____CAPTION: Monday Night - The Break-in

_____The door opens and the GANG ( LEFTY, GANG LEADER, SMOKES, PORKCHOP & NUMBERS ) wearing night-vision goggles, enter the house.

_____The GANG LEADER waves for NUMBERS & LEFTY to take the basement and PORKCHOP & SMOKES to take the second floor.

_____The GANG LEADER creeps into the living room and looks around.

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_14

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - NIGHT

_____LEFTY reaches the bottom of the stairs and looks around.

_____NUMBERS steps up to a light switch and flicks it.

_____The basement lights blinds them.

____________________LEFTY

_______________(whisper)

__________What the hell! Turn the light off!

____________________NUMBERS

_______________(whispering)

__________But I can't see-

____________________LEFTY

_______________(whispering)

__________-turn the light off. Now!

_____LEFTY looks around the basement, taking note where everything is just before NUMBERS turns the light off.

_____We see pickled jars, old washing machine, a standing mannequin dressed in white, the furnace, the water heater, an old record player, an old safe, a shelf of books and a complete set of tools hanging from the wall.

_____NUMBERS steps around LEFTY and walks into the middle of the basement.

____________________NUMBERS

__________Okay, now what?

____________________LEFTY

__________Well, best place to start is the safe near the mannequin.

_____NUMBERS looks around, only sees the safe beside him and turns to LEFTY.

____________________NUMBERS

__________What mannequin?

_

_

_

_15

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT

_____SMOKES opens the door and peaks inside.

_____As SMOKES pans the room, we see that it is empty, except for an old woman standing in the corner staring at him.

_____The OLD WOMAN runs at SMOKES.

_

_

_

_16

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HALLWAY - NIGHT

_____The GUEST BEDROOM door closes.

_____PORKCHOP turns around and doesn't see SMOKES.

_____The hallway is empty.

____________________PORKCHOP

_______________(whispering)

__________Smokes?

_____PORKCHOP opens the nearest door.

_

_

_

_17

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - COMMON BATHROOM - NIGHT

_____PORKCHOP peaks inside.

_____It is empty, except for the shower curtain, which is covering the entire length of the shower.

_____PORKCHOP pulls the curtains back and we see an empty bathtub.

_____PORKCHOP turns around to leave and catches a glimpse in the mirror, of an OLD WOMAN standing in the bathtub.

_____PORKCHOP stops and pivots his head to look back at the bathtub.

_____Nothing there.

_____PORKCHOP looks in the mirror and we see the OLD WOMAN right beside him, smiling.

_____PORKCHOP scrambles out of the bathroom.

_

_

_

_18

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HALLWAY - NIGHT

____________________PORKCHOP

_______________(whispering)

__________Smokes, where are you!

_____PORKCHOP looks around as he steps up to the GUEST BEDROOM door and opens it.

____________________PORKCHOP (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________This isn't funny!

_

_

_

_19

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT

_____PORKCHOP looks around in the empty room.

____________________PORKCHOP

_______________(whispering)

__________Smokes? I'm getting bad vibes.

_____PORKCHOP steps into the room and looks behind the door.

_____No ones there.

_____PORKCHOP swings the door back and he sees SMOKES in the hallway, standing still, only moving his mouth.

_

_

_

_20

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HALLWAY - NIGHT

_____PORKCHOP steps into the hallway.

____________________PORKCHOP

_______________(whispering)

__________Hell. Where did you go?

_____SMOKES continues to open and close his mouth, but there is no sound coming from him.

_____PORKCHOP notices fingers around SMOKES's neck.

_____PORKCHOP pokes SMOKES in the chest.

_____SMOKES doesn't move.

_____The fingers around SMOKES's neck shift.

_____PORKCHOP looks around SMOKES and sees there is nobody there and the fingers have disappeared.

_____PORKCHOP looks around and sees that SMOKES's feet are not touching the floor.

____________________PORKCHOP (cont'd)

_______________(whispering)

__________What the hell?

_____PORKCHOP looks up at SMOKES and we see the OLD WOMAN in his place, reaching out for him.

_____PORKCHOP takes out his knife and slashes at the OLD WOMAN.

_____PORKCHOP trips to the ground and tries to crawl away.

_____The OLD WOMAN grabs PORKCHOP by the ankles and drags him down the hallway, into the DARKNESS.

_

_

_

_21

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIBRARY - NIGHT

_____The GANG LEADER looks around the room and steps inside.

_____There are books all over the room, on the shelves, on the desks and on the comfort chairs.

_____The GANG LEADER notices a few books on the wall, not tucked as neatly as the rest.

_____The GANG LEADER picks the books off of the shelve, one at a time.

_____As he takes the last book, he looks through the shelf and sees the OLD WOMAN's face looking back at him.

_____The GANG LEADER drops the books and trips backwards, over a coffee table, the night-vision goggles slip off of his head.

_____The OLD WOMAN's face comes through the book shelf.

_____The GANG LEADER struggles to get to his feet, taking out his gun.

_____We see the OLD WOMAN standing in front of the book shelf, looking down on the GANG LEADER.

_____The OLD WOMAN takes a step as the GANG LEADER shakes his gun at her.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Don't move.

_____The OLD WOMAN steps closer.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________I said don't move!

_____The OLD WOMAN steps closer.

_____The GANG LEADER fires a single shot, hitting one of the heavy hardbound volumes near the OLD WOMAN's head.

____________________GANG LEADER (cont'd)

__________Where is the money?

_____The OLD WOMAN steps closer.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Money?

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Give me the money or we'll kill you!

_____The OLD WOMAN looks around.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________We?

_______________(beat)

__________Who we?

____________________GANG LEADER

_______________(yelling)

__________Numbers, Porkchop, Lefty, Smokes! Get in here. Now!

_____The OLD WOMAN takes another step closer.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Oh, you mean your friends?

_____The GANG LEADER takes a step backwards.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Don't come any closer.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Me? I'm just an old woman.

_______________(pointing to GANG LEADER)

__________You have the gun.

_______________(beat)

__________What would you have to fear of me?

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Nothing. Just give us the money.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Who's us?

_____The GANG LEADER looks back, into the hall.

____________________GANG LEADER

_______________(yelling)

__________Numbers, Lefty! Were are you guys!?

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.)

__________You should leave now.

_____The GANG LEADER looks back and the OLD WOMAN is gone.

_

_

_

_22

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - HALLWAY - NIGHT

_____The GANG LEADER steps into the hallway and sees LEFTY, SMOKES, PORKCHOP and NUMBERS outside, at the bottom of the porch, yelling and waving at him.

_____But we don't hear any sound.

____________________GANG LEADER

_______________(yelling)

__________Why the hell you'all out there!?

_____The GANG LEADER turns around and sees a large black area -the DARKNESS- at the end of the hallway, getting bigger and coming closer.

_____The GANG LEADER fires his gun a couple of times into the DARKNESS and runs for the front door.

_

_

_

_23

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - NIGHT

_____LEFTY, SMOKES, PORKCHOP and NUMBERS watch the GANG LEADER running for the front door as the DARKNESS is closing in.

_____The front door slams shut, before the GANG LEADER can exit the house.

____________________NUMBERS

__________Oh shit!

____________________LEFTY

__________What the hell is that?

____________________SMOKES

__________We gotta get out of here!

____________________PORKCHOP

__________The house is haunted! I great really bad vibes, I tell ya!

____________________GANG LEADER (V.O.)

_______________(whispering)

__________Help me.

_____Everyone turns around and sees the GANG LEADER on his knees freezing.

_____LEFTY drops down and grabs the GANG LEADER by the shoulders.

____________________LEFTY

__________Boss! What the hell happened?

_____The GANG LEADER looks at LEFTY, then everyone else.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________Why the hell you leave me in there?

____________________SMOKES

__________Boss, we didn't leave you.

____________________NUMBERS

__________One minute we were in there-

____________________PORKCHOP

__________-facing an old hag. And the next-

____________________LEFTY

__________-we are out here, freezing like you.

_____The GANG LEADER gets up and steadies himself with help.

____________________GANG LEADER

__________We are leaving.

_______________(beat)

__________We're not going to talk about this, ever!

_______________(beat)

__________If the street hears about us getting our ass kicked by an old woman.

_______________(beat)

__________A freaky old woman.

_______________(beat)

__________We will loose our street cred.

_______________(beat)

__________Can you dig it?

_____A thunderous groan is heard coming from the house and the entire GANG runs away.

_

_

_

_24

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - NIGHT

_____SKIP steps into the lit area of the street lamp as he watches the GANG run away.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________Damn.

_____SKIP lights a cigarette and takes a puff as a little girl skips up to him and stops.

_____The little girl looks up at SKIP, as SKIP meets her stare.

_____There is a moment of silence as SKIP takes a puff staring at the LITTLE GIRL.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Isn't it late for you to be out?

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________I'm here to pass on a message from the boss.

_____SKIP coughs as he exhales some smoke.

____________________SKIP

__________Come again?

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________You have till the end of the week to get the money.

_______________(beat)

__________Or else.

_____The LITTLE GIRL continues skipping down the street, as SKIP burns himself on his cigarette.

____________________SKIP

__________Ouch.

_

_

_

_25

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - 3RD BEDROOM

_____We see SKIP get into his car and drive away.

_____We see the DARKNESS form into the OLD WOMAN.

_____We hear a sound from behind and the OLD WOMAN turns to see something the audience can't.

_

_

_

_26

_____INT. DOWNTOWN - SKIP'S CAR

_____SKIP tunes his radio to a slow jazz music station.

_____We see SKIP drive by the GANG, who are still "running away."

_____SKIP turns into an underground parking lot to an apartment complex.

_

_

_

_27

_____INT. DOWNTOWN - APARTMENT COMPLEX - UNDERGROUND PARKING LOT

_____SKIP gets out of the car, hears a sound and jerks around looking for the cause of the noise.

_____A moment passes.

_____A BLACK CAT comes out from underneath a nearby car and sprints out of sight.

_____SKIP takes a deep breath and walks towards the crowded elevator lobby.

_

_

_

_28

_____INT. DOWNTOWN - APARTMENT COMPLEX - UNDERGROUND PARKING LOT - ELEVATOR LOBBY

_____A WAITER, a YOUNG FITNESS WOMAN, an OLD BUSINESS MAN and a middle aged WOMAN MECHANIC wait for the elevator.

_____SKIP presses the "up" button and waits.

_____We see the WOMAN MECHANIC reading a "Houses for Sale" magazine.

____________________WOMAN MECHANIC

__________Why didn't we think of pressing the button when we got here?

____________________WAITER

__________It's got to be the slowest elevator in the city.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to WOMAN MECHANIC)

__________Are you house hunting?

_____The WOMAN MECHANIC doesn't take her eyes out of the magazine as the elevator chimes and the doors open.

____________________WOMAN MECHANIC

__________You are just full of obvious, aren't you?

_____Everyone gets into the elevator and press their floor buttons.

_

_

_

_29

_____INT. DOWNTOWN - APARTMENT COMPLEX - ELEVATOR

____________________SKIP

_______________(to WOMAN MECHANIC)

__________I sell houses.

_______________(beat)

__________What are you interested in?

_____The WOMAN MECHANIC continues to browse through the magazine.

____________________WOMAN MECHANIC

__________Something old. Not too expensive, for my girl friend and I to settle in with.

____________________SKIP

__________Do you know about the house on Mount Triplet Road?

____________________OLD BUSINESS MAN

__________What? Number 32?

____________________SKIP

_______________(to OLD BUSINESS MAN)

__________Yeah, that's the one.

____________________WAITER

__________Damn! That's like, the house is haunted!

____________________OLD BUSINESS MAN

__________Yeah that's what I heard too!

____________________WOMAN MECHANIC

_______________(to SKIP)

__________You're not trying to push a lemon on me, are you?

_____The elevator chimes and the doors open.

____________________SKIP

__________No, not at all. I just heard it was available and it was old.

_____SKIP gets off of the elevator.

____________________WAITER

__________Yeah well pass on the message. That house is haunted and to stay away from it.

____________________SKIP

__________Okay, will do. Thanks for the tip!

_____The elevator doors close.

_

_

_

_30

_____INT. DOWNTOWN - APARTMENT COMPLEX - SKIP'S APARTMENT FLOOR

_____SKIP shakes his head.

____________________SKIP

__________Damn.

_____SKIP digs for his keys.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Damn it.

_

_

_

_31

_____INT. SKIP'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

_____SKIP enters a spotless apartment.

_____The BUSINESS MAN's bag is on the kitchen table, with all of the contents spread out.

_____The answering machine's light is blinking and SKIP presses the replay button.

____________________BUSINESS MAN (V.O.)

__________I know I left my bag at the house. I don't care to come back there. Ever.

_______________(beat)

__________Just throw it in the garbage and don't call me ever again!

____________________ANSWER MACHINE (V.O.)

__________End of message.

_____SKIP gets a drink out of the fridge and starts to inspect the bags contents.

_____We see a remote controlled robot, climbing gear, camping gear, first aid medical kit, scuba gear, a laptop computer and camera equipment.

_____SKIP sits down and begins drinking as he starts to play with the robot's remote control.

_

_

_

_32

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAY

_____CAPTION: Tuesday Morning - The Robot

_____The remote controlled robot with a camera taped on it's top, crawls across the street, onto the side walk and up the cobble stone path to the house.

_

_

_

_33

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY - DAY

_____The door opens and the robot crawls into the house.

_____The ROBOT crawls to the base of the stairs, pivots around and then crawls into the living room.

_

_

_

_34

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____We see SKIP's car parked across the street from the house.

_

_

_

_35

_____INT. SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____SKIP is looking at his computer screen, while operating a double joy stick controller.

____________________SKIP

__________If I can't sell the house directly, I'll sell it on the internet.

_______________(beat)

__________Ha, say "cheese," bitch.

_

_

_

_36

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY

_____We see the ROBOT slowly crawl into the living room, pivot 360 and then head for the kitchen.

_

_

_

_37

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - KITCHEN - DAY

_____The ROBOT crawls through the kitchen and heads for the door to the basement.

_

_

_

_38

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - STAIRS - DAY

_____The basement door opens and the ROBOT crawls down the stairs.

_____The robot stop at the bottom of the stairs.

_

_

_

_39

_____INT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____SKIP watches the screen as it pans the basement.

_____We see the OLD WOMAN standing near a safe and a large gapping hole in the middle of the basement.

_

_

_

_40

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The ROBOT takes a step towards the OLD WOMAN, and knocks over an empty can.

_____The OLD WOMAN turns around, looking at the can.

_

_

_

_41

_____INT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____SKIP flinches as the OLD WOMAN moves towards the screen, but reaches for the can.

_____SKIP slips up and taps the "backwards" button.

_____The OLD WOMAN looks around.

_____The OLD WOMAN's face moves pass the screen several times.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whipering)

__________She's not able to see the robot.

_____SKIP presses a couple of buttons and the screen begins to move sideways.

_

_

_

_42

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The ROBOT crawls sideways and bumps into the leg of a table.

_____The OLD WOMAN reacts in shock as an empty tin can, on the table rolls off and falls to the ground.

_____The OLD WOMAN hisses as her face hovers close to the ROBOT.

_

_

_

_43

_____INT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____SKIP watches as the OLD WOMAN pick up the empty tin can.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________You're not able to see the robot.

_______________(beat)

__________Why?

_____The OLD WOMAN's hand reaches through the computer screen and grabs SKIP by the neck.

_____The OLD WOMAN's hand beings to fade.

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.)

__________Boo!

_____We hear the OLD WOMAN giggling like an old witch.

_____SKIP closes the flap on the computer and the OLD WOMAN's hand and arm disappear.

_____SKIP gets out of the car, gasping and wheezing.

_

_

_

_44

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR - DAY

_____SKIP looks across the street at the house and see's the OLD WOMAN in the second floor window, smiling and waving at him.

_____SKIP looks back as a YOUNG MOTHER and the LITTLE GIRL walk by.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to LITTLE GIRL)

__________Stop hounding me, I'll get the money!

_____The LITTLE GIRL starts to cry as the YOUNG MOTHER turns to SKIP.

____________________YOUNG MOTHER

__________How DARE you! Stay away from us you pervert!

_____The YOUNG MOTHER takes the LITTLE GIRL by the hand and quickly walks away.

_____SKIP watches the LITTLE GIRL glance back and give him the double fingers of "I'm watching you."

_____He shakes his head and begins rubbing his hands together.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________I need-

_____A light wind carries a single newspaper sheet pass SKIP and his eyes pop as he sees the want ads!

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________-professionals!

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_45

_____INT. NEWSPAPER PRINTER MACHINE

_____We see advertising articles and spinning newspapers coming towards the screen.

_____An AD reads: URGENT! Looking for ghost exterminator! Must rid a house of an old ghost. Pay big bucks for a fast job. Call now!

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_46

_____INT. OFFICE DESKTOP COMPUTER

_____We see a computer screen with the same ad posting.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_47

_____INT. UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE

_____There is a long line of people and the TV REPORTER is flipping through the help wanted section.

_____She sees SKIP's ad, reads it a couple of times, rips out the ad and leaves the office.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_48

_____INT. UNIVERSITY DORM ROOM

_____We see a party crowded on one side of the room, while on the other side, three students -STUDENT #1, STUDENT #2, STUDENT #3- flip through the help wanted section and see SKIP's ad.

_____The ghostbuster wannabes high-five each other.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_49

_____INT. FORTUNE AND PALM READING STORE

_____A poltergeist SPECIALIST who is having a cup of tea, looking through the help wanted section and comes across SKIP's ad.

_____She places her cup on the table and circles the ad.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_50

_____INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT

_____We see three guys seated in a booth, having their meal and looking through the help wanted section of the newspaper.

_____The Ouija board experts see SKIP's ad.

_____Each of them take out all the money they have and put it on the table.

_____We see approximately $1.27 worth of change.

_____They look at each other, nod their heads and circle SKIP's ad.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_51

_____INT. CHURCH OFFICE

_____We see a couple of priests, an old one is counting the daily contributions, while the younger one is looking through the help wanted section.

_____The younger priest comes across SKIP's ad and shows it to the older priest.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_52

_____INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE - DAY

_____CAPTION: Wednesday Morning - The Interviews.

_____We see a line-up of the people that answered the ad.

_____SKIP is sitting behind a cheap fold up table, flipping through resumes and staring at the applicants, who are ten feet away.

____________________SKIP

__________Okay, lets start this!

_

_

_

_53

_____INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE - INTERVIEW #1 - DAY

_____CAPTION: Interview#1.

_____The TV REPORTER and her CAMERA man walk up to the table.

____________________SKIP

__________So you want to film this ghost?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Yes. My crew will go in there and get it on camera.

____________________SKIP

__________But, you don't necessarily get rid of ghosts, right?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________No, we just record them.

____________________SKIP

__________You screwed your way into this job, didn't you?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________No, I'm just a real bitch, with looks that get me everything I want.

_______________(beat)

__________Do I have the job or not?

____________________SKIP

_______________(yelling)

__________Next!

_

_

_

_54

_____INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE - INTERVIEW #2 - DAY

_____CAPTION: Interview#2.

_____A trio of university students -STUDENT #1, STUDENT #2, STUDENT #3- dressed in wire-mesh suits, tin-foil hats and carrying home-made electrical cattle rods, stand before SKIP.

____________________SKIP

__________And you are?

____________________STUDENT #1

__________We are ghost exterminators.

____________________SKIP

__________For a second there, I thought you were going to say "busters."

____________________STUDENT #1

__________No, we don't buster ghost, we exterminate them.

____________________SKIP

__________And how do you plan on getting rid of my ghost?

____________________STUDENT #2

__________We have figured out that ghosts have a specific energy signal.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________We adjust our rods to the exact energy pitch and we can shock the ghost out of the house.

____________________SKIP

__________You really have no idea what you are talking about. Do you?

____________________STUDENT #3

__________No, not really.

_______________(beat)

__________We found this stuff in an old locker with some notes on how to use it.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________We think we know what we are doing.

____________________SKIP

__________You think?

_____SKIP looks over the 3 students.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Could be worse.

_______________(beat)

__________What's with the meshed jumpsuits?

____________________STUDENT #3

__________The jumpsuits are wired to the rods.

____________________STUDENT #2

__________When we zap the ghost, the ghost won't be able to touch us back, without getting zapped.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________We have an extra outfit and rod if you want to try it on.

____________________SKIP

__________You're hired.

_____SKIP gets up from the table and addresses everyone.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Screw the interviews, you are all hired!

_______________(beat)

__________Including the TV chick!

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_55

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT LAWN

_____CAPTION: Wednesday Noon - The Job.

_____SKIP dressed up in a the same suit as the STUDENTS, stands on the cobble stone walk way in front of the porch.

_____The TV CREW, STUDENTS, poltergeist SPECIALIST, Ouija board experts and exorcist priests, crowd around SKIP.

_____SKIP points to the house behind him.

____________________SKIP

__________This is the house.

_____Everyone looks at the house, then back at SKIP.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________The ghost is mean.

_______________(beat)

__________She is old.

_______________(shivers)

__________And ugly.

_____SKIP sees across the street the LITTLE GIRL.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I want to sell the house.

_______________(beat)

__________And for me to do that, I need the ghost gone.

_____The LITTLE GIRL points two fingers at her eyes and then points to SKIP.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I want this job done fast.

_____The LITTLE GIRL runs her finger across her neck.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I'll double the money.

_____SKIP turns his attention back to the crowd.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________That's if and I do mean a big "if," the ghost is gone today.

_____There is a moment of silence.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Right then!

_______________(beat)

__________Go!

_____Everyone runs around SKIP, up the porch and through the front door.

_

_

_

_56

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY

_____It's complete chaos!

_____The ouija boarders run into the living room and set up the Ouija Board.

_____The exorcist priests start blessing the house with holy water and head upstairs.

_____The poltergeist SPECIALIST walks to the kitchen.

_____The STUDENTS head downstairs.

_____The TV CREW start filming everything and take readings of light and sound.

____________________TV REPORTER

_______________(to the camera)

__________We are in the city's last standing heritage house, where a ghost is causing trouble for the owner who want's to sell it.

_______________(beat)

__________We are flagged by Ghost Experts of all kind, including Ouija Boarders!

_

_

_

_57

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY

_____3 OUIJA BOARDERS are knelled in front of a coffee table.

_____2 of the OUIJA BOARDERS have their hands on the Ouija Board, while the third is ready to take notes on a pad of paper.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #1

__________Oh ghost, come to us.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #2

__________Oh ghost, tell us why you won't leave.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #3

__________Anything?

____________________OUIJA BORDER #2

__________Nothing yet. We just started.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #1

__________Would you two shut up and concentrate.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #2

__________Concentrate.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #3

__________Concentrate.

_

_

_

_58

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The STUDENTS are back to back in the basement.

_____Nearby the ROBOT pivots and looks at the students.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Why are we in the basement?

____________________STUDENT #2

__________The basement is where all the evil ghosts go to and the final confrontation always takes place.

_______________(beat)

__________So we are cutting to the chase. Spoilers ahead!

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Bull.

____________________STUDENT #2

__________No seriously. Blair Witch. Basement.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________Yeah, but the Exorcist was on the second floor.

____________________STUDENT #2

__________That doesn't count.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________Why?

____________________STUDENT #1

_______________(sarcastic)

__________Because they were renting the basement to Canadians.

____________________STUDENT #2

__________The Hole was in a basement.

_______________(beat)

__________Frankenstein was in a basement.

_______________(beat)

__________Dracula was in a basement.

_______________(beat)

__________Silence of the sheep, basement!

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Okay we get the point. The basement is the way to go.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________I don't see anything.

____________________STUDENT #2

__________Turn on your night-vision.

_____All three turn on their night-vision.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Holey moley! Guys look at the center of the room!

_____Everyone looks at the center.

_____We see from the night-vision viewpoint a large hole in the center of the basement.

_

_

_

_59

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR

_____SKIP's computer is sitting on the hood of the car as SKIP is a couple of feet away from it.

_____SKIP reaches out and taps a key and steps back.

_____He sees on the screen the STUDENTS walking towards a large hole.

____________________STUDENT #3 (V.O.)

__________I don't see it.

_______________(beat)

__________I'll turn on my night-vision.

____________________STUDENT #1 (V.O.)

__________It must be inter-dimensional, only viewable by certain wavelengths in the light spectrum.

____________________STUDENT #2 (V.O.)

__________Looks deep. Cover me, I'm gonna spit.

____________________STUDENT #1 (V.O.)

__________Be careful.

____________________STUDENT #3 (V.O.)

__________Stay on target.

_____STUDENT #2 peaks over the hole.

____________________STUDENT #3 (V.O.)

__________Stay on target.

_____Suddenly a couple of oversized arms reach out from the hole and pull 2 of the STUDENT's in.

____________________STUDENT #3 (V.O.)

__________Holy smokes! Guys! Talk to me!

_______________(beat)

__________Goose!? Hicks?

_

_

_

_60

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____STUDENT #3 waves his electric rod in the air over the pit.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________Guys! Talk to me!

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________It looks like we have our first attack!

_______________(beat)

__________Two of the 3 Students have been dragged into what I can only describe as the pit of hell!

_______________(beat)

__________The dark hole of evil. The black mouth of despair. The-

_____STUDENT #3 looks back and sees TV REPORTER and the CREW standing at the bottom of the steps.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________-run, get out of here!

_____The TV REPORTER intercepts STUDENT #3 and sticks her microphone in his face.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Tell me how do you "feel," that your best friends have met their deaths in the shadowy anus of the wicked.

____________________STUDENT #3

__________Are you serious!?

_______________(beat)

__________Get out of here! Now!

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Remarkable. Such raw emotion. How does that make you feel?

____________________STUDENT #3

__________Lady. Get. Out. Of. My. Way!

_____The oversized arms reach out from the hole and drag STUDENT #3 in.

_____The TV REPORTER turns to the camera.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Three brave students gave their life to rid this house of a ghost. Their sacrifice will not be forgotten.

_______________(beat)

__________Okay now get a shot of the hell pit.

_____The CAMERAMAN turns the lens towards the hole as a groan is heard and the DARKNESS emerges.

_

_

_

_61

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - SKIP'S CAR

_____SKIP shakes his head as we hear the TV CREW scream, slams the laptop closed and looks at the house.

____________________SKIP

__________God, just get me past this week and I'll turn my life around. I swear it. No gambling, no stealing and no cheating on my tax returns.

_______________(beat)

__________Well, maybe not the tax returns.

_

_

_

_62

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIVING ROOM

_____The 2 OUIJA BORDERS turn to the 3rd.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #1

__________Well. What did the ghost say?

_____The 3rd OUIJA BORDER looks at his note pad and starts dividing the letters into words.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #2

__________Well?

____________________OUIJA BORDER #3

__________It says, "He stole my house. We will not rest until we have revenge."

____________________OUIJA BORDER #2

__________Is that it?

____________________OUIJA BORDER #3

__________No.

_______________(beat)

__________It also says, "look behind you."

____________________OUIJA BORDER #1

__________What do you-

_____All three OUIJA BORDERS look behind them and see the DARKNESS coming out from the basement door.

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.)

_______________(whispering echo)

__________-boo.

_

_

_

_63

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

_____The front door is wide open and SKIP watches the DARKNESS come out of the living room.

_____The DARKNESS hovers in the lobby and heads upstairs.

_

_

_

_64

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - STUDY ROOM - DAY

_____The EXORCIST PRIESTS, holding a couple of lit candles, continue to bless the house with holy water.

____________________PRIEST #1

__________That is the last. All the rooms have been prayed over.

____________________PRIEST #2

__________Father, look at the hallway.

_____Both Priests look at the open door to the hall.

_____There is complete DARKNESS.

_____No light at all.

____________________PRIEST #1

__________What do you make of that?

____________________PRIEST #2

__________It looks like the lights are out.

____________________PRIEST #1

__________But, our candles should cast SOME light into the hallway.

____________________PRIEST #2

__________You. Are. Correct.

_____The 2 PRIESTS raise their candles to the DARKNESS.

_____A hole in the DARKNESS takes form, like a couple of lips puckering up and the candles are blown out.

_

_

_

_65

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - KITCHEN

_____The POLTERGEIST EXPERT is touching everything in the kitchen.

_____With everything she touches, she gets a surge of memories playing through her mind and we see this as a ghosted image of a YOUNG WOMAN dancing around the kitchen.

____________________YOUNG WOMAN (V.O.)

__________This house is so beautiful!

_______________(beat)

__________It will be our home, our kids home and grandchildren, and their kids!

_______________(giggles)

__________Forever!

_____The POLTERGEIST EXPERT continues to touch every part of the house as she walks out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

_

_

_

_66

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - HALLWAY - DAY

_____The POLTERGEIST EXPERT steps around the ROBOT and enters the game room.

_

_

_

_67

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - GAME ROOM

_____We see the ghosted YOUNG WOMAN laughing as she looses at a game of pool.

____________________YOUNG WOMAN (V.O.)

__________Shucks! You win!

_______________(giggles)

__________Now you HAVE to marry me to get the money I lost.

_____The POLTERGEIST EXPERT turns around and comes face to face with the OLD WOMAN.

____________________POLTERGEIST EXPERT

__________Everything you done with your life.

_______________(beat)

__________Why are you still clinging to this world?

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________I have no choice!

_____The OLD WOMAN reaches out and grabs the POLTERGEIST EXPERT by the head.

_____We see the ROBOT crawl just inside the game room and stop.

_

_

_

_68

_____EXT. HOUSE - ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

_____SKIP watches the POLTERGEIST EXPERT scream as the DARKNESS swallows her.

_____The OLD WOMAN's face appears on the screen.

_____SKIP flinches away from the laptop.

_____SKIP maintains his gaze on the OLD WOMAN's face taking up the screen as he backs up across the street.

_____SKIP trips on the curb of the sidewalk and falls down, just inside the cobble stone walkway to the house.

_____SKIP gets up and comes face to face with the OLD WOMAN.

_____The OLD WOMAN reaches out to grab SKIP by the chest, but she gets zapped by the wired suit and recoils.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Ouch!

_____SKIP steps backwards as the OLD WOMAN reaches out to grab him again.

_____But the OLD WOMAN's hands and most of her arms disappear.

_____SKIP takes another step back, as does the OLD WOMAN.

_____The OLD WOMAN's hands and arms reappear as she looks around.

_____SKIP notices that they are each, on opposite sides of the property line.

_____The OLD WOMAN reaches out and her fingers disappear.

_____She pulls her hand back and it is whole again.

_____SKIP laughs.

____________________SKIP

__________You're stuck within the confines of the property.

_______________(beat)

__________Oh that is too much.

_____The OLD WOMAN grabs a long twig from the ground and wips SKIP a couple of times, before the twig breaks and falls beside SKIP.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Ouch! That hurt!

_____SKIP takes out a spare Holy Water bottle from his pocket and tries to sprinkle the water on the OLD WOMAN.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________The priests told me this would come in handy. Ha!

_____The OLD WOMAN backs away a few feet and starts to scream.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________I'm melting!

_____The OLD WOMAN drops to her knees as SKIP stretches out to sprinkle the last of the water.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________I'm melting!

_______________(beat)

__________Not.

_____The OLD WOMAN steps right up to the edge of the property line, looks SKIP in the eyes and smiles.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________You think a few drops of water is going to hurt me? You need a reservoir to even catch my attention!

____________________SKIP

__________Good to know.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________You stole my house to pay off your gambling debt.

____________________SKIP

__________You were dying. You didn't need the house.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________It was my house! In there are my memories of my life!

_______________(beat)

__________You had no right to prevent me from passing it on to the only family I had left in this world.

____________________SKIP

__________A bunch of college drop outs, who have nothing better to do than get drunk and party!?

_______________(beat)

__________Do they even know you died?

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(yelling)

__________They are family!

____________________SKIP

__________So far removed, you'd have to got back 4 generations to find the connection!

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________They are still family.

_____SKIP shakes his head and waves his arms in the air.

____________________SKIP

__________I've had enough of this, I might as just not pay the debt and let them kill me. Ha!

_____The OLD WOMAN giggles.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________You'll be coming right into my hands after you die.

_____A shocked look comes over SKIP's face.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Escape for you is not an option.

_____An old man walking his small dog, laughs as he passes by.

____________________OLD MAN

__________Sucks to be in your shoes, "dude."

_____SKIP shakes his head and turns his attention to the OLD WOMAN.

____________________SKIP

__________You're lying.

_______________(beat)

__________And what about all the people you just killed?

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(whispering)

__________Oh my dear boy, arrest me.

_______________(beat)

__________Oh wait, I'm dead.

_____The OLD WOMAN looks back at the house.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________You can't fix it. You can't destroy it.

_____The OLD WOMAN turns and looks at SKIP.

____________________OLD NAKED WOMAN

__________You can't sell it.

____________________SKIP

__________I'll give you back the house.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Too late, my will is voided. The city is the beneficiary now.

_______________(beat)

__________A bunch of fat accountant and lawyers are going to have MY HOUSE!

____________________SKIP

__________I'll go into hiding.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Eventually you will die and I we'll get our hands on you.

____________________SKIP

__________You CAN'T be that vengeful.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd.

_______________(beat)

__________Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd.

____________________SKIP

__________What can I do to make this right?

_____The OLD WOMAN disappears.

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.)

_______________(loud whisper)

__________Die.

_____SKIP just stands in place, shakes his head.

_

_

_

_69

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____CAPTION: Thursday Morning - The Realesternator.

_____The OLD WOMAN is standing beside the hole, listening to screams.

_____We see in the hole a fiery hell.

____________________VOICE (V.O.)

_______________(whispering)

__________Come.

_____The OLD WOMAN hears the front door opening.

_____The OLD WOMAN runs up the stairs, transforming into the DARKNESS by the time she gets to the top.

_

_

_

_70

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - FRONT LOBBY - DAY

_____The DARKNESS hovers around the partly open front door.

_____Another ROBOT, with a cell phone taped to a water canon, which is taped to the top of the robot, pivots and backs up against the nearest wall.

_____The DARKNESS backs off for a moment as the ROBOT pivots the water canon around and aims it towards the DARKNESS.

_____The water canon sprays holy water at the DARKNESS.

_____The DARKNESS screams and backs up into the living room.

_____The ROBOT pivots around, drenching the floor and walls of the hallway and stairs to the second floor.

_____The ROBOT stops spraying water.

_____The front door swings open and SKIP walks in suited up in the spare outfit, holding an electric rod.

____________________SKIP

__________Call me the "Realestaternator."

_____The DARKNESS attacks and screams the moment it touches SKIP.

_____The DARKNESS fades and now we see the OLD WOMAN holding her hands, as if they were set on fire.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Yeah time to pack up and get out.

_______________(beat)

__________I need to get this house sold and you are in my way!

_____SKIP pokes the OLD WOMAN with the rod and she gets electrocuted.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Ouch, did that hurt?

_______________(beat)

__________Come and get some more.

_____SKIP reaches out to poke the OLD WOMAN again, but she disappears before he can touch her.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Oh, kay.

_______________(beat)

__________We'll do this the hard way.

_____SKIP rips the water canon off of the ROBOT and starts spraying the stairs to the second floor.

_

_

_

_71

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HALLWAY - DAY

_____SKIP sprays the walls of the hallway as he steps up to the first room.

_____SKIP opens the door and sprays the entire room.

_____SKIP steps up to the entrance of the next room, opens the door and sprays the room.

_

_

_

_72

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - MASTER BATHROOM

_____The door swings open and SKIP begins spraying the room with holy water.

____________________SKIP

__________Come out, come out where ever you are.

_____SKIP continues to spray the room and steps in front of a large dresser mirror.

_____In the mirror, SKIP can see the OLD WOMAN running towards him.

_____SKIP peaks around his shoulder and doesn't see anything there.

_____He looks back at the mirror and sees the OLD WOMAN about to touch his reflection.

_____SKIP takes a deep breath as the OLD WOMAN touches his reflection.

_____SKIP's suit hums with energy as the OLD WOMAN in the mirror screams.

_____SKIP looks around and sees the OLD WOMAN on her knees, with her hands burnt again.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Didn't you get it the first time?

_______________(beat)

__________Are you glutting for punishment?

_____SKIP aims the water canon and sprays the OLD WOMAN.

_____She disappears just as the holy water touches her.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________There is not enough hiding spots in the house.

_______________(beat)

__________I'll corner you eventually.

_____SKIP slips his laptop out from his suit, flips it open and taps a few buttons.

_

_

_

_73

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The ROBOT, with the camera taped to its top, pivots around.

_____The ROBOT crawls around and stops at the feet of the OLD WOMAN.

_

_

_

_74

_____INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HOBBY ROOM

_____We see the computer screen is positioned facing an aquarium.

_____SKIP is on the other side of the aquarium.

_____SKIP squirts a few shots into the aquarium.

_____Suddenly the OLD WOMAN's arm reaches out of the computer screen and passes through the aquarium and stops inches from SKIP's face.

_____We hear the OLD WOMAN scream and the arm recoiled back through the aquarium and computer screen.

____________________SKIP

__________Holy aquarium, that must hurt!

_

_

_

_75

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The OLD WOMAN rubs her arm and kicks the ROBOT.

_____She hears SKIP coming down the stairs.

____________________SKIP (V.O.)

__________The second floor is totally holy.

_______________(beat)

__________You might as well give up.

_____The OLD WOMAN disappears as she runs up the stairs.

_

_

_

_76

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY

_____SKIP is spraying the room.

_____A knife flies through the air and stabs into the wall near SKIP's face.

____________________SKIP

__________Holy moley!

_____SKIP turns around and sees several kitchen knives fly at him.

_____He ducks behind a sofa.

_____Several knives stab into the opposite side of the sofa.

_____We hear the OLD WOMAN giggle.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Touche!

_____SKIP shoots water around the sofa, gets up and fires more.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Come on! Take your best shot!

_____SKIP stops.

_____All is quiet.

_

_

_

_77

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - HALLWAY - DAY

_____The OLD WOMAN hides in the hallway, her back against the wall, as she hears SKIP spray the living room.

____________________SKIP (V.O.)

__________Your hiding spots are shrinking.

_______________(beat)

__________Pretty soon it will be all over.

_____The OLD WOMAN hears the ROBOT coming up the stairs and fades away into the library.

_

_

_

_78

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - KITCHEN - DAY

_____SKIP peaks into the kitchen and ducks back into the living room.

_____We see water sprayed into the kitchen and SKIP jumping in right after.

_____He sprays all the knives and forks, then the entire kitchen and moves on to the game room.

____________________SKIP

__________Ha! The kitchen is off limits!

_

_

_

_79

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - GAME ROOM

_____SKIP enters the game room and first soaks the billiard sticks and balls.

_____The sound of rain is heard from the outside.

_____We see the windows soaked.

_____SKIP looks at his watch.

_

_

_

_80

_____INT. HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - LIBRARY

_____The OLD WOMAN is near the window looking at the rain.

_____SKIP enters the room.

____________________SKIP

__________The second floor is soaked.

_______________(beat)

__________This is the last room on the first floor, before I go down into the basement.

_______________(beat)

__________I bet there are a lot of first edition books in here.

_______________(beat)

__________Shame that I have to ruin them.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________You monster!

____________________SKIP

__________I'm a monster?

_______________(beat)

__________You killed over a dozen people yesterday, and I'm a monster?

_______________(beat)

__________Look around you. It's just a house. You are dead, you don't need this house.

_______________(beat)

__________I need this house.

_______________(beat)

__________Just let it go. Move on. Go into the light.

_____A quiet moment passes as the rain continues to hit the windows.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________No!

_____SKIP holds the water canon up to the nearest book shelf.

____________________SKIP

__________Come again?

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________My husband had collected these books.

_______________(beat)

__________He once told me, the only reason he had this room was to impress our guests when they came over for dinner parties.

_______________(beat)

__________But eventually he fell in love with reading. And we would spend hours in here.

_______________(beat)

__________He started reading all sort of weird books. It eventually changed him, awakened his real self.

____________________SKIP

__________And.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________And you just upset him.

____________________SKIP

__________Come again.

_____SKIP turns around and comes face to face with an angry tall OLD MAN.

_____The OLD MAN reaches for SKIP and gets shocked by the suit.

_____We see the suits battery pack energy reading is less than half.

_____SKIP fires the last of his water, but misses as the OLD MAN moves out of the way.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________My husband and I wanted to give this house to family.

_______________(beat)

__________But you changed all that.

_____The OLD WOMAN steps up to the OLD MAN.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________You ruined his plans.

____________________SKIP

_______________(whispering)

__________Plans?

_____SKIP looks around as he points the electronic rod at the OLD COUPLE.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________What plans?

_____The OLD MAN sees the energy on the battery pack decrease further.

_____The OLD MAN laughs.

_____SKIP steps closer to the book shelf and twists his head to read some of the book spines.

_____We see titles such as : How to Kill, What it Takes, Faces of Death, Keeping them Alive, On the Table, To Serve Man, Eating for Survival.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________"Eating for Survival?"

_____A shocked look comes over SKIP's face.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Oh God. You two are-

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________-yes!

____________________SKIP

__________Doctors!

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Wait, what!?

_______________(beat)

__________No you idiot. We are not doctors.

_______________(beat)

__________My husband is a hunter. He kills people for sport.

____________________SKIP

__________Yeah, that was my next guess.

_____SKIP locks both hands on the electronic rod and waves it at the OLD COUPLE.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Not much of a "hunter," if I can corner you two by myself.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Yes, I must admit that you did have us on the run for a moment.

_______________(beat)

__________Thrilling to have the prey fight back, eh dear?

____________________OLD MAN

__________Yes. Quite.

____________________SKIP

__________For a moment?

_____SKIP looks around and refocuses his attention on the OLD COUPLE, except the OLD MAN has disappeared.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Where did he go?

_____The OLD WOMAN giggles and disappears as SKIP waves the electronic rod in the air.

_____SKIP turns around and gets hit in the face with a big book and drops the rod nearby.

_____SKIP falls to the ground as the OLD MAN's hands grip the suit.

_____We hear the OLD MAN cry in pain as he tears SKIP's suit open.

_____SKIP kicks and crawls away as the OLD MAN stands above him.

_____SKIP grabs the nightvision glasses (that the GANG LEADER dropped) and the electronic rod, just as the OLD MAN grabs SKIP by the ankle and lifts him up.

_____SKIP bats the electronic rod wildly in the air around him.

_____The OLD MAN twists and throws SKIP across the room.

_____SKIP hits the windows and breaks several panes as he puts on the nightvision glasses.

____________________OLD WOMAN (V.O.)

__________Honey can you hurry it up.

_____SKIP sees the OLD MAN near the entrance of the room.

____________________SKIP

__________I see you.

_____The OLD MAN flashes across the room and grabs SKIP by the neck.

_____SKIP wets his hand with some of the water entering through the broken panes and rubs the OLD MAN's face.

_____The OLD MAN screams, falls backwards and becomes the DARKNESS.

_____The DARKNESS flies out of the room as the OLD WOMAN stumps into the library, carrying two large kitchen knives burning in her hands.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________I never interfere with my husbands hunting.

_____SKIP grabs a chair and throws it at the OLD WOMAN.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Looks like I have to make an exception.

_____The chair passes through her, taking the knives with it.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Didn't see that coming.

_______________(beat)

__________Well, I don't need knives.

_____The OLD WOMAN reaches out as SKIP grabs the rod.

____________________OLD WOMAN (cont'd)

__________Too bad. The battery is empty.

____________________SKIP

__________That's why you two didn't attack.

_______________(beat)

__________Stalling for time.

_____SKIP swings the rod and breaks the window, just as the OLD WOMAN's hands are around his neck.

_____Some of the water from the rainfall hits the OLD WOMAN and she recoils in pain.

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(screaming)

__________That's not rain!

____________________SKIP

__________Nope. That's a tanker truck spraying the house with holy water.

_____The OLD WOMAN steps around the opposite side of the window and peaks out.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________They are a little early, but hey, I'm not complaining.

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(whispering)

__________Damn you, that's clever.

____________________SKIP

__________It was YOUR idea.

_____The DARKNESS enters the room.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________You'll never make it out the front door.

____________________SKIP

__________Thanks for another tip.

_____SKIP jumps out the window as the DARKNESS engulfs the room.

_

_

_

_81

_____EXT. HOUSE - SIDE LAWN - DAY

_____SKIP lands in the wet ground as the truck operator stops spraying the house.

____________________SKIP

__________No, don't stop!

_______________(beat)

__________Keep watering down the house!

____________________TRUCK OPERATOR

__________You're the boss.

_____SKIP runs around the lawn as the OLD MAN steps out onto the front porch.

_____SKIP runs for the sidewalk, but the OLD MAN catches up and grabs him.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to TRUCK OPERATOR)

__________Hose me down!

____________________TRUCK OPERATOR

__________You're the boss.

_____The TRUCK OPERATOR turns the nozzle at SKIP's direction and soaks the entire area, including SKIP.

_____The OLD MAN feels the burn from the holy water, lets go of SKIP and steps away.

_____SKIP slips to the ground and crawls towards the sidewalk.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to TRUCK OPERATOR)

__________What ever you do. Do not step onto the property!

____________________TRUCK OPERATOR

__________You're the boss.

_____The TRUCK OPERATOR turns the nozzle back onto the house and continues to soak it.

_

_

_

_82

_____EXT. HOUSE - SIDE WALK - DAY

_____SKIP crawls onto the side walk and rolls on his back to catch his breath.

_____The OLD MAN looks at the TRUCK OPERATOR and then SKIP.

_____The LITTLE GIRL skips up to SKIP, as he's getting up.

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________The boss has a message for you.

_____SKIP looks up to the LITTLE GIRL.

____________________LITTLE GIRL (cont'd)

__________It's Thursday. Quit screwing around and sell HOUSE.

_____The LITTLE GIRL looks at the OLD MAN and then SKIP.

____________________LITTLE GIRL (cont'd)

__________They are just old dead people.

_____The OLD MAN is not happy with what the LITTLE GIRL said.

____________________LITTLE GIRL (cont'd)

__________Get rid of them!

_____The LITTLE GIRL waves at SKIP.

____________________LITTLE GIRL (cont'd)

__________Toodles!

_____The LITTLE GIRL skips away as SKIP gets up.

_____SKIP stretches a bit and walks along the property line, away from the TRUCK OPERATOR.

____________________SKIP

_______________(to OLD MAN)

__________Hey you.

_____SKIP whistles at the OLD MAN.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Yeah, you.

_______________(beat)

__________Come here.

_____The OLD MAN raises one eyebrow.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I won't bite.

_______________(beat)

__________Come here.

_____SKIP gestures for the OLD MAN to come to him.

_____The OLD MAN, cautious, walks up and tries to grab SKIP by the neck.

_____The OLD MAN's hand and arm disappears.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Yeah, you two are bound to the property line.

_____The OLD MAN steps back and his arm re-appears.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Look, I'm a business man.

_______________(beat)

__________I don't have time for this.

_____The OLD MAN looks at SKIP.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Yeah, I get it. You are the strong, silent guy.

_______________(beat)

__________Look, I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.

_____A moment of silence passes.

____________________OLD MAN

_______________(whispering)

__________What do you propose?

____________________SKIP

__________You two, get out now.

_______________(beat)

__________Or I will come back with a gang armed with holy water and rods and whatever else I need-

_______________(beat)

__________-to kick your ass to hell.

_______________(beat)

__________Understand?

_____SKIP looks at his watch.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________You have 30 seconds.

_____SKIP looks up and sees the OLD MAN is gone.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

_______________(yelling)

__________Is that a yes or no?

_

_

_

_83

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____The OLD MAN appears beside the OLD WOMAN, who is standing near the hole.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________Didn't go well?

____________________OLD MAN

__________He's a real bugger.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________What are you going to do?

_______________(beat)

__________We tried everything to scare him.

____________________OLD MAN

__________Yeah. I know.

_______________(beat)

__________Problem is, he's just a vile piece of trash, like the bankers on wall street.

_______________(beat)

__________Nothing scares them, except loosing money. Everything else is fluff.

____________________VOICE (V.O.)

__________Come to me.

____________________OLD WOMAN

__________They've taken notice again.

____________________OLD MAN

__________Yeah, that's what scares me.

_______________(beat)

__________It would seem in our age, we've finally run out of options.

_______________(beat)

__________Technology has finally caught up to the point, where it can actually hurt us.

_______________(beat)

__________And we are dead. Ghosts even.

____________________OLD WOMAN

_______________(giggling)

__________We might as well be alive.

_______________(beat)

__________We would stand a better chance of surviving this.

_____The OLD MAN snaps his fingers.

____________________OLD MAN

__________And we won't be stuck to the confines of the lot.

_______________(beat)

__________Brilliant!

_

_

_

_84

_____HELL

_____CAPTION: Hell.

_____We see a large abysmal cave with fire falls and streams of bubbling lava.

_____Screams can be heard everywhere.

_____We see the TV REPORTER behind a large rock as shadows of giggling demons zip by her head.

_____The noises stop and the TV REPORTER peaks around the large rock.

_____We see the OLD WOMAN run up to the TV REPORTER.

_____The TV REPORTER closes her eyes and screams.

_

_

_

_85

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____We see the TV REPORTER's hand reach out from the hole and grip the edge.

____________________STUDENT #1 (V.O.)

__________Hold on I got you.

_____We see STUDENT #1 reach down and grab the TV REPORTER by the hand and pull her up.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Steady yourself and breath.

_____The TV REPORTER takes a deep breath and exhales.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________That tastes like a tall glass of lemonade.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Welcome back to the living.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Not much of a welcome if we can't leave the grounds.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Been there, done that.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________You left the grounds.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________I've been to the other side of the street and back.

_______________(beat)

__________We are good to go.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________But where are we going?

_____STUDENT #1 reaches into his pocket and takes out SKIP's business card.

____________________STUDENT #1

__________We are going to take Skippy on, at his place.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Ballsy move honey.

_____The TV REPORTER feels her body and cups her breasts.

____________________TV REPORTER (cont'd)

__________This body is very firm.

_____STUDENT #1 grabs the TV REPORTER close to him and kisses her.

_

_

_

_86

_____INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE

_____CAPTION: Thursday Evening - The Deal.

_____The GANG -NUMBERS, SMOKES & PORKCHOP- hover around a water cooler, eating doughnuts and drinking water as LEFTY and SKIP talk nearby.

____________________PORKCHOP

__________I'm telling you that house is putting out large vibes that are freaking all he animals in the area.

____________________SMOKES

__________How large?

_____PORKCHOP takes a doughnut and holds it up.

____________________PORKCHOP

__________See this doughnut.

_______________(beat)

__________Think of this being the normal vibe you would get from people, places or things.

____________________NUMBERS

__________And?

____________________PORKCHOP

__________The vibe I'm getting from the house would be about a twenty-five foot doughnut.

____________________NUMBERS

__________That's a big doughnut.

_____SKIP and LEFTY walk up to the water cooler.

____________________SKIP

__________Thank you all for coming.

____________________LEFTY

_______________(to SKIP)

__________You are ether brave or stupid coming back to our turf.

____________________SKIP

__________Well, I figured we have a common goal.

____________________SMOKES

_______________(to PORKCHOP)

__________Tell Lefty about the doughnut.

____________________LEFTY

__________What about the doughnut?

____________________SKIP

__________We all want payback on the ghosts.

_____LEFTY takes a drink of the water and looks at his GANG.

____________________LEFTY

__________The experience rattled our fearless leader so much, that I'm in charge now.

_______________(beat)

__________I don't like being in charge.

_______________(beat)

__________People in charge always have a target on their back.

____________________SKIP

__________I can tell you from experience, that I held my own.

____________________LEFTY

__________With a water gun? Ha!

____________________SKIP

__________A holy water canon.

____________________LEFTY

__________You expect us, the toughest gang in the neighborhood, to carry water guns?

____________________SKIP

__________Canons.

____________________LEFTY

__________Right canons.

_______________(beat)

__________We'll be laughed at by grade schoolers!

____________________SKIP

__________You are already loosing business to a nine year old loan shark.

____________________LEFTY

__________Yes, well. That is constable.

____________________SKIP

__________"Contestable."

____________________LEFTY

__________Even if we do get payback. Our reputation will be destroyed.

_____The door to the office opens as everyone takes out their guns.

_____STUDENT #1 and the TV REPORTER walk in and raise their hands in the air.

____________________NUMBERS

__________Who the hell are you two?

____________________STUDENT #1

__________Hey don't shoot! We come in peace.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________We're here to see-

____________________SKIP

__________-oh my God!

_____SKIP rushes past the GANG and embraces STUDENT #1 and the TV REPORTER.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________You are alive!

_____Everyone puts their guns away as SKIP escorts STUDENT #1 and TV REPORTER to a sofa.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________What happened. How did you survive?

____________________STUDENT #1

__________I don't know. One minute we are in the house, the next we were on the street.

____________________SKIP

__________Someone get these two a drink of water.

_____LEFTY nods his head and NUMBERS fills up a couple of cups from the water cooler.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________Do you remember anything at all?

____________________TV REPORTER

_______________(shaking head)

__________Nothing.

_____NUMBERS hands STUDENT #1 and the TV REPORTER cups of water.

____________________SKIP

__________Drink up! The ordeal must've made you hungry as well?

_____STUDENT #1 drinks up and places the cup on the small table nearby.

_____The TV REPORTER goes to drink her cup, but is stopped by SKIP.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________You don't remember anything at all?

____________________TV REPORTER

_______________(shaking head)

__________Sorry.

_____STUDENT #1 convulses and the DARKNESS comes out of him.

_____STUDENT #1 falls to the ground, shaking and crying.

_____The DARKNESS engulfs SMOKES for a moment and hovers away groaning.

_____SKIP stands up, takes out a water gun a points it at the TV REPORTER.

____________________SKIP

__________Don't move.

_______________(beat)

__________We are all armed with holy water.

_____The entire GANG take out their water guns and begin shooting the DARKNESS.

_____The DARKNESS engulfs NUMBERS and successfully possesses him.

_____A moment of quite passes.

____________________LEFTY

__________Numbers?

____________________NUMBERS

_______________(loud whisper)

__________He wasn't thirsty.

_____NUMBERS takes out his gun and fires at the GANG.

_____Everyone takes cover and starts firing with their real guns.

_____The entire office is riddled with bullet holes.

_____LEFTY sees NUMBERS hide beside the water cooler and fires everything into it.

_____The water cooler bursts and drenches NUMBERS.

_____The DARKNESS vacates NUMBERS and everyone fires their water guns at it.

_____The DARKNESS screams as it dissipates to nothing.

_____A moment passes.

____________________PORKCHOP (V.O.)

__________I'm not feeling the vibe. I think it's really gone.

_____Everyone stands up.

_____SMOKES hands NUMBERS a cup of water.

____________________SMOKES

__________Drink.

_____NUMBERS drinks the water.

____________________PORKCHOP

__________We gotta get out of here. Someone woulda heard all the gun fire and called the cops!

____________________SKIP

__________Relax. This entire office is sound proof.

____________________LEFTY

__________Are you sure.

____________________SKIP

__________There is a dance club right next door to us.

____________________LEFTY

__________What dance club? I don't hear anything.

____________________SKIP

__________Exactly.

_____SKIP steps up to the TV REPORTER.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________How did you know?

____________________SKIP

__________You forgot I had the remote control robot still in the house.

_____SKIP spins his computer screen and hits play on the open video window.

_____We see the TV REPORTER and STUDENT #1 making out in the living room.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________You two really can go at it.

_____SKIP waves his water gun in the air, pointing at all the GANG.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________We are all impressed.

_____The TV REPORTER sits back on the sofa.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________So what, you still won't be able to sell the house in time to pay your debt tomorrow.

____________________SKIP

__________Ah, my dear granny.

_______________(beat)

__________I no longer need to sell the house.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________What?

____________________SKIP

__________My buddies here posted your romp on an internet pay site.

_______________(beat)

__________So far we've made ten times the money that I owe in debts.

_______________(beat)

__________And if you two had gotten naked, we woulda made millions!

_______________(beat)

__________But beggars can't be choosers.

_______________(point to the GANG)

__________What ever money is left over from paying my debt, they keep.

_____The TV REPORTER looks around at the tough GANG pointing their water guns at her.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________You bastard!

____________________SKIP

_______________(shaking head)

__________Realestaternator.

_____The TV REPORTER slouches into the sofa.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________What do you want?

____________________SKIP

__________Cover me boys.

_____The GANG draw their guns closer to the TV REPORTER as SKIP sits down beside her.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________I want to know about the hole in the basement.

_

_

_

_87

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____CAPTION: A Week Later - The Business.

_____The basement is lit bright and we see a glass dome over the hell hole.

_____On the glass itself, we see an engraving : Officially Sanctified by the Church.

_____Around the dome are six coin slot binocular poles.

_____A couple of the GANG members -NUMBERS & SMOKES- are finishing up sweeping the basement.

____________________NUMBERS

__________Boy, we are going to be rich.

____________________SMOKES

__________Word.

_

_

_

_88

_____EXT. HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAY

_____We see the rest of the GANG cleaning up the outside and inside of the house.

_____We see the LITTLE GIRL watching from the sidewalk as SKIP hammers a sign into the lawn.

_____The sign reads : (HHH) Heritage Haunted House. Come see an authentic century old house and a real hell gate, with a great view! All monies will go to helping people with gambling addiction.

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________Are you serious?

____________________SKIP

__________Yep. I'm done.

_______________(beat)

__________I'm going on the straight and narrow. No more gambling, no more stealing.

_______________(beat)

__________Just good old fashion work-

_______________(looks to the sky)

__________-and pay my taxes.

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________Well, if you ever need a loan again, don't hesitate to call my baby brother.

_______________(beat)

__________He'll give you a good deal.

____________________SKIP

__________Thanks, but I am content with not owing your brother any money.

_____The LITTLE GIRL waves and skips along down the street.

____________________LITTLE GIRL

__________Toodles!

_____A news van drives up, parks across the street and the TV REPORTER gets out.

_____She orders her crew to set up as she crosses the street towards SKIP.

____________________SKIP

__________How are they doing?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Who?

_______________(beat)

__________Oh the crew. They are fine.

_______________(beat)

__________I checked on the Priests, the Geeks, the Ouija Borders. Everyone is okay.

_______________(beat)

__________And they all remember. It was one hell of a trip.

_____SKIP raises an eye brow.

____________________TV REPORTER (cont'd)

__________Yes.

_______________(beat)

__________That was ment to be a joke.

_______________(beat)

__________Seriously.

____________________SKIP

__________I've always wondered.

_______________(beat)

__________Why did you let the gang go, but sent everyone else to hell?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________I had an abusive husband. Whenever I scared people, I let them go.

_______________(beat)

__________Whenever he scared people, he sent them to hell. Much like our life together.

_______________(beat)

__________He was so nice at the beginning, but ended up being a real monster.

____________________SKIP

__________Is that really hell down there?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Actually it is the holding place. A kind of Purgatory if you will.

_______________(beat)

__________On occasion a demon would come out of the fire or lava and grab whatever's close, for a snack.

____________________SKIP

__________Lucky, we were able to save everyone before they were eaten.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Or worse.

_____A quiet moment passes between them.

____________________SKIP

__________And how are you doing?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________We are doing okay. Our minds have merged sorta speak. I, we no longer have the urge to do certain things. I just want to be bad, in a good way.

_______________(beat)

__________And I'm an overnight celebrity now.

_______________(beat)

__________Thanks to the video, it boosted my ratings and I got a raise.

____________________SKIP

__________So you want to come up and see me sometime? I really like how you-

____________________TV REPORTER

__________-sorry Skip. I'm in a relationship.

____________________SKIP

__________What? With who?

_____The TV REPORTER points across the street to the TV CREW, as STUDENT #1 is seen carrying cables.

____________________SKIP (cont'd)

__________You got to be kidding me.

____________________TV REPORTER

__________Nope, I hired him to Intern for me, among other things.

____________________SKIP

__________Scandalous!

_______________(laughing)

__________Coffee and a boyfriend all in one. Very nice.

_______________(beat)

__________So how does a second chance at life feel, dating a guy 70 years your junior?

____________________TV REPORTER

__________He's a studley twenty-five-

_____The TV REPORTER taps her belly.

____________________TV REPORTER (cont'd)

__________-and he's mine!

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

89

_____CREDITS

_____During the ending credits we see the different people who came to look at the house, rave about the authenticity of the house and their ghost experience.

_

_

_

_

_90

_____INT. HOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY

_____We see 6 people looking through the coin operated binoculars as the PRIESTS and OUIJA BOARDERS do commentary.

____________________PRIEST #1

__________If you all look to the center and left of the large flaming rock. That is the river of sorrows. On occasion, baby demons would come to that particular spot to clean their wings of all the accumulated ash.

_____The 6 spectators "ooh" and "aah" as the camera pans the basement and we see a packed line of people going up the stairs.

____________________SPECTATOR #1

__________It looks like that demon is saying something to us.

____________________OUIJA BORDER #1

__________Yes he is saying, he really would like to come up here and rip you apart and eat your insides.

____________________SPECTATOR #1

_______________(giddy)

__________Oh my gosh. Can I take a picture?

____________________NUMBERS

__________No camera's please. It spooks them.

_______________(beat)

__________We do have a large selection of prints upstairs you can purchase for a very low price.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

91

____________________FATHER

__________Yeah the ghost had big ugly eyes. I picked up the nearest lamp and held it off as my family made a run for it.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Are you sure your wife didn't threaten you, if you bought the house?

____________________FATHER

__________Well, yes, not exactly.

_______________(beat)

__________It was my decision.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

92

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________Yeah, I had a run in with the (BLEEP).

_______________(beat)

__________And let me tell you, I woulda (BLEEP) her if I didn't have a previous appointment to attend to.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________I heard the ghost grabbed you by the throat and almost choked you to death.

____________________BUSINESS MAN

_______________(clearing throat)

__________Yes, but I used my moves to escape the death grip.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Right. Your moves?

_______________(beat)

__________Did that involve carping your pants?

____________________BUSINESS MAN

__________Well no, actually that was from a flower pot that got knocked over during my epic battle.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

93

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________Yeah, the ghost was old an prunish.

_______________(beat)

__________Like the Pumpkin creature from that movie.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Pumpkinbrain?

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________No, Wizard of Oz.

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

94

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________She had all her guts spilling all over the place. I held her off long enough for my wife to get free.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________But I heard the ghost was young and naked in the shower?

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Sorta.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

_______________(giggling)

__________What were you doing in the bathroom with a naked woman that wasn't your wife?

____________________NEWLYWED GUY

__________Well I-

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________-don't answer that.

_______________(beat)

__________My husband put his life on the line to save me.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________As you left him there against that naked "monster," while you ran screaming like a spoiled little girl?

____________________NEWLYWED GIRL

__________What? Who-

_____CUT TO:

_

_

_

_

95

____________________MOTHER

__________He was a very bad man.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________The ghost?

____________________MOTHER

__________No the Real Estate Agent.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Really?

____________________MOTHER

__________Oh yes. The things that the ghost told me about him.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Okay thank you. We'll move on to the-

_____The MOTHER grabs the microphone.

____________________MOTHER

__________-let me tell you. The Real Estate Agent is into kinky sex.

_______________(beat)

__________With musical instruments.

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

__________Okay cut.

____________________MOTHER

__________And the ghost told me that one time at band camp he performed with-

____________________TV REPORTER (V.O.)

_______________(yelling)

__________Cut!


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